I met Ambrose’s birthday in a sort of stunned, sleep-deprived stupor; my baby somehow transformed into a walking, opinionated toddler. His first year flew by despite my efforts to slow down. I dropped all that I could to focus on him, spending more time doing what some might describe as “nothing” for hours each day than I ever have in my life. And while I can’t remember what it felt like to hold his newborn body, I know that I spent nearly every second doing so in those early months. As he grew and continued to demand my presence in order to sleep, I surrendered to it. The state of our house is a testament to this truth. I did a lot of reading, but I also did a lot of just being. I held him close and tried my best to forever seal the experience in my memory (a sad impossibility). I thought about my life, my regrets, and my hopes. It was a contemplative year for sure, and owing to sleep deprivation, an incredibly difficult one as well.
But here we are! With the reality of, well, reality looming all around me, I have to leave the baby immersed days behind. I’ve held them tightly but it’s time to let go and march forward. I still have the joy of this child, watching Ambrose unfolding into who he is and will be. I won’t get his first year back, but I’m not meant to. I have the gift of knowing I didn’t wish it away, I didn’t long for the next phase in hopes it would be easier, I didn’t worry too much about all that I left undone.
We have started the night weaning process because I hit a wall of sorts and knew I couldn’t face the new school year and my life in general without sleep any longer. I had started dreading going to bed at night, desperately tired and knowing how little sleep there would be. Thanks to Jonny taking Ambrose to sleep with him in the basement for the past week, I am starting to feel a bit more like myself. There is relief in sleeping six hours straight. It’s still not enough, but we are at least headed in a healthier direction.
Beatrix bought Ambrose a box of tissues for his birthday and he gleefully emptied them as she knew he would. He also stuffed them one at a time down a hole in the floor of our living room. There used to be an outlet there, but it fell out and is now just a hole through which Ambrose loves dropping objects through to the basement below. It’s great fun.
I didn’t think I’d manage it, but at my girls’ insistence, I sewed a very simple birthday crown for Ambrose the night before his birthday. Thankfully, I had all the materials on hand, even a little strip of ribbon printed with trees, little yellow fish, and a dog carrying a fishing pole. So fitting given Silas and Job’s obsession with fishing and their hopes that one day Ambrose will join them. That little crown felt like such an accomplishment!
Gifts were loosely wrapped in tissue paper and placed in the gift bags I saved from Ambrose’s baby shower. That made them easier for him to open. He was more interested in the packaging than the gifts themselves, so much so that I put a couple of his gifts away and will bring them back out at Christmas.
He really wanted to touch the flame!
Happy birthday to our dear little one! What a sweet year it was, the year of holding Ambrose. This next one will be spent chasing him…
Happy Birthday to Ambrose and to you. Sending lots of love and good wishes for this next busy year of chasing him 🙂 xoxo
Hard to believe that Ambrose is a year old already. Ginny wishing you sleep and much rest.
HAPPY BELATED 1st BIRTHDAY AMBROSE
Marion
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY YEAR AMBROSE Happy and a Blessed year.
Ginny hope you get rest and sleep.
Joan
Hi Ginny, It is hard to believe a year has gone by. Ambrose is adorable. Hope you get some needed rest and sleep. Wishing Ambrose happiness and blessings throughout his birthday year.God Bless you and yours.
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY AMBROSE
Marilyn
May Peace be with you, Ginny,…and sleep!
Happy belated birthday, Ambrose! I feel like it’s both been more and less than a year since he joined your family. Time is a funny thing.
He’s really cute, and based on these photos he seems very spirited (which I like). I do hope you get some more sleep this upcoming year, though!
Much love to you and your family.
Ah ehat a sweet post. Happy birthday dear Ambrose. Well done Genny! One of the beautiful things about having many and older children is you have the wisdom to cherish the days with your younger children like hou didn’t with your first. Lovely post.
What a beautiful reflection on one year with Ambrose. 🙂 – Happy Birthday little fellow – I hope you won’t wear your mum out too much in the coming year !! It’s such a joy to follow along and see these little snippets of your life. I know once you mentioned making videos. Is that still a possibility???? in the future…just very hopeful over here in my corner of the world. Many blessings ~ Linda
Happy Birthday Ambrose.
Ginny you have chosen the better thing in his first year. Now enjoy each new day. Someone very wise said “each day has enough trouble of its own.”
God bless all of you!
I look forward to your posts very much!
You write so beautifully, Ginny! I really hope you might write a book someday describing your journey through motherhood, I bet it would be wonder-full! Surviving that first year is such an accomplishment!! Happy Birthday to you both!
Beautiful photos, as always! I don’t think you’ll ever regret the year you allowed yourself to just be. I did that as best as I could with my boys and I find it is important to remind myself to do it as much as I can even now. We certainly hold our children in different ways throughout their lives. It’s been one of the greatest privileges of motherhood to learn that. Happy Birthday, Ambrose!
Oh what a cutie!! That first year goes so fast…
Thanks Jennifer 🙂
What a wonderful post Ginny! Praying you get some good rest and for Ambrose to do well sleeping too!! 💙💙
A truly beautiful post! (Also–those baby toes!!!)
What a lovely celebration of his day.
Well done you for getting his Birthday crown done.
Neither of you will remember the details of this first year but it will be imbedded deeply in both your hearts for all of your lives.
It’s really not important to try to imprint our memories for the future, the importance is living in and celebrating this moment right now.
I’ve only just become aware of you but even so I can see that you have a loving, happy life and family – it shows in your photos. Household chores will still be there when your children are grown and your a Grandmother so congratulations to you on putting your children’s now at the forefront of your life. Wishing you lots of healing, restorative sleep.
This is so lovely, Lucy.
Happy birthday, Ambrose, and happy having survived (and appreciated) the first year, Ginny. May his second year bring wonders and more sleep!