I’ve had a guilty day

Today was one of those days…those not so fabulous ones:
one of those days when every one of my children was off for some reason.  There were lots of tears, way too much whining, and some good old fashioned fits.  I did my best to handle it all with grace, but still ended up really feeling like, well, like crap.  Exhausted, drained, crappy, and guilty.  I am really good at over analyzing and blaming all negative behaviors on some deficiency in my parenting, some previous failure.  I know I shouldn’t do that, but I do.  It’s hard not to considering the parenting year I’ve had.

 

In an effort to get a grip on my guilt trip I distracted myself with spring. 

I also took lots of pictures of food while I prepped for dinner.  That was comforting.

But not that comforting.

I gave the kids a little tea party in Larkspur’s outdoor kitchen.  That’s a “good mom” thing to do.

Seth is currently obsessed with pine needle tea, so that is what I served.  The kids didn’t complain that the cookies were sort of gross (packaged gf cookies picked up on the way to fossil hunt the other day.)

They were delighted with their tea party and sat for quite awhile sipping their ‘oh so nutririous’ pine needle tea and chatting about chickens and dirt and other kid stuff.

Then I did feel a little better.  But, I will be glad when they are all asleep tonight.  Yes, I know.  That’s not a nice thing to say.  I just need a break.  They are few and far between these days.  I’m tired.  I think I am getting old.  My back hurts.  I need a doctor’s appointment.  This past year has aged me and I think I am just really starting to feel the effects of that.  I’m not that 22 year old mom anymore.  I’m 32 and I’m carrying some baggage.  Dang.

This is how I want to feel:  free and light and good.  Arms out, head back.  No guilt.  Tomorrow will be a better day. 
I’m going to go sew something…