Weeks before Advent began, I began preparing for the days ahead. One of the little things was to purchase new Christmas-y puzzles to work on together. When the time came to pull them out, I found myself strangely nauseated at the sight of them. The nausea itself wasn’t strange, I’d been feeling it for weeks, but the fact that puzzles made me feel worse was unexpected. I could hardly stand to look at the pieces scattered on the table. We eventually finished one, and have another half-finished on the puzzle table now. I keep waiting for last winter’s puzzle mania to take hold of me, but so far it hasn’t.
I’ve been keeping a secret, and it feels a little hard to say it out loud or write it here. We have lost three babies in recent years and I did not believe that we would be having more children. The losses taught me that a positive pregnancy test does not guarantee a living child. Of course, I always knew that but it was only in recent years that I lived it. And then there is the fact that I just celebrated my forty-third birthday. Goodness, I have a twenty-year-old son. I’m no young thing! For the past year, I have been focused on this next phase of life. I’m heading into mid-life, right? It’s been tricky, knowing that I don’t actually know the plan and I have to navigate the place that I am in, while recognizing that it could always change. Sort of a “one foot in the door” mentality I guess, and that doesn’t come easily to me.
Within days of a positive pregnancy test in early November, I was in my OB’s office for blood tests. The results were good and indicated a healthy pregnancy. I tried not to think about it too much while we waited for my mid-December ultrasound, at what they call a “pregnancy confirmation” appointment. On the day of my appointment, I was pretty nervous. I didn’t realize just how much so until the nurse was leaving the exam room to get the doctor for the ultrasound and I asked her, “But didn’t you say you need to check my blood pressure?” She looked so confused as she told me, “I just did.” I hadn’t even noticed. I was in some other world. She asked me if I was nervous and I almost burst into tears. I think I was terrified.
It did not take long for us to find out that this baby was alive. Not only did it have a strong heartbeat, but it already had little feet and hands!!! I wasn’t expecting to see feet yet, and couldn’t stop saying, “It has feet! Look at them!” I wish I could have seen Jonny’s face, but he was sitting behind my head. My doctor told me that I was a bit further along than we thought. I couldn’t stop laughing and talking about those little wiggling feet.
So, this is my long-winded (as always) way of telling you that we are expecting a baby this summer, about a month after Mabel turns five. I am just into the second trimester and starting to feel a little bit more human. I’ve never been as exhausted and sick with a pregnancy before! Or maybe I’ve just forgotten because it’s been a while. I saw my doctor this week and we were once again reassured by a strong little heartbeat.
When I told my dad that I’m pregnant, he did a good job of congratulating us (he is not Catholic and not super comfortable with our Catholic ways so it’s hard for him) and went on to say that we can just start calling me “Sarah.” Ha! I’m not quite ninety yet, though I will say that pregnancy in my forties is feeling a little different than pregnancy in my twenties or even thirties.
The world feels a little shaky right now, to say the least. The combination of that with this pregnancy has forced me to slow way down. I have spent a lot of time thinking about so many things: how important it is to keep our faith first always, what I want our days to look like in reflection of that, and how best to walk in gratitude for all of the precious gifts I have been given. I am very thankful for my family and the necessity that I focus fully on them right now. The last couple of months have been some combination of hope and messiness and I feel like I’ll never get on top of anything again. I’m old enough now to fully recognize that the mess will wait.
It was a really good Christmas despite pregnancy sickness/exhaustion + a stomach virus. That virus was terrible! Anyway, I made clothes for Bridget, Mabel’s doll, but that was the extent of me making much of anything. I was happy that I made so many mushroom ornaments earlier in the year since I wasn’t up to much crafting in the weeks surrounding Christmas. We did manage to make cinnamon applesauce ornaments (those never turn out great for us, but they smell good) and some homemade candy together. For Christmas, I filled stockings, bought a few books and games, and then gave a bit of money. I was just too exhausted to do more. Gabriel, always generous, bought really nice gifts for his younger siblings and that was a wonderful surprise for them. He gave Silas a fancy fishing rod and Job a race track that everyone has had a lot of fun with. We went to Mass on Christmas morning and walked out to find it snowing. What a magical, wonderful Christmas gift. I take a photo of my girls every year with Baby Jesus at the front of our church but this year we couldn’t pull it off. I guess our silly half-masked photo will be a good reminder of what 2020 was like. A mixture of joy and unexpected things like children wearing masks in church. I think we’ve made the best of things.
p.s. I’m including one more detail because of my age and my losses, and because you might wonder if something changed resulting in this healthy pregnancy (thus far-I still feel very cautious, though I’m not sure what good that will do. I may as well just let myself get excited.) Last summer, my regular doctor strongly encouraged me to start using topical progesterone because my levels were low, had been for years, and she thought it would give me some energy. Some of you have suggested it to me as well and I had used it sporadically in recent years, but this time I committed to sticking with using it for a few months. It did give me more energy and I was feeling the best I have in some time using it. I didn’t expect that to result in a baby though! When I found out I was pregnant, my OB put me on prescription progesterone right away, and I do believe that having been using it topically for a few months before getting pregnant in addition to the prescription I started after finding out I was pregnant made the difference. I’m so thankful!
Congratulations, Ginny! ❤️
So so HAPPY for you and your family! Congratulations, hugs, and prayers.
Oh, Ginny! Congratulations to both you and your family. A new baby. Wow! What a blessing.
Such a lovely surprise; I love your Catholic ways❤️
God must have hope for the future as long as He’s sending babies. 🙂
Congratulations on your pregnancy! God bless and keep you and the little one and give you joy! There’s just nothing like a baby! (I’m currently in love with our 3.5 month old Gracie, our#5 at 39. Before her we also lost a baby and this time i expected the same at 8 weeks appointment but she was alive and already 12 weeks!)
Just read a quote of someones great-granddad (father of 12), God gives a little rabbit and He gives the grass for it (in German its a rhyme).
And my sis in law just gave birth at 44 to her 6th son (oldest is 18); the friend of a friend just had her 4th child at 47 (2 “kids” are over 20). My MIL had her 9th and last with 43. All healthy (moms & babies).
Blessings from Germany, Angela
I am so happy for you and your family. Congratulations! ❤️❤️❤️
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Such wonderful news!!!
Congratulations! My friend had her only child at 45..a happy healthy baby girl. Having lost several babies to miscarriage, I understand exactly how you are feeling.
Take care…nice to have good news!
What wonderful news. Congrats.
Congratulations! What a precious gift!
Congratulations!! I had my last baby when I was 43 (four years after the penultimate one). I was so incredibly tired during this pregnancy. I think I napped through most of it! Don’t feel guilty about not getting much done. It’s hard work making a baby in your 40s. We named him “John” because it means “The Lord has been gracious.” How blessed you are to have a baby in the Year of St. Joseph!
Congratulations!!!! This news made me smile and get a bit teary-eyed. Such positive news after yesterday’s awful, awful day. Thank you for sharing!
p.s. I know nausea is no laughing matter, but I chuckled envisioning those puzzle pieces making you ill. Of all things! 🙂
How beautiful! God be with you! Oh, how great God is.
One of my daughters just shot me a quizzical look and asked, “Are you crying, Mama?” Yes, indeed! Joy for this new, little soul!
Chesterton, in his inimitable way, wrote, “The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.” At almost 42, I’m holding my 7-week old son right now, a tangible mark of God’s grace in what was beginning to feel like old age. My unexpected pregnancy and his birth gave me the smallest glimmer of the wonder Sarah must have felt carrying new life.
So congratulations on your extraordinary news! May our Father protect you and this wee baby. What a gift!
Thank you, Abigail!
This is wonderful news Ginny. You and the baby will be in my prayers for a safe and easy birth.
Marion
Wow. What a wonderful blessing for you and your family. Next Christmas will be delightful with a wee one around. Stay safe and enjoy your pregnancy.
Such wonderful news! I am so happy for you! I will be praying for you all in the days & months ahead. May you find a new rhythm for daily life and have the strength that you need for each moment dear Ginny. Wish I was close enough to make you a meal! Rich blessings to you all xo
Oh Ginny, I am so happy for you! I will place you on my prayer list. As I was looking at your pictures of the children decorating your tree, I couldn’t help but think how much I miss having my girls helping me do the same. Cherish these years. I now have a granddaughter, but she doesn’t live close, so sometimes she is here to help and sometimes not! At least now you will have one more to help you for more years of decorating!! Happy New Year!!
Big congrats to you & your family! So exciting! I’ll be praying for you & baby!
So very very happy for you & your beautiful family! What a blessing. Maybe this year is going to be a lot better after all. Thank you for sharing your Christmas and bright news with us. ❤️
Ginny, I am so happy for you! And praying all continues to go well. God’s graces are mysterious and glorious. And always surprising.
After several losses, progesterone support helped me carry two children to term.
Wonderful wonderful news!!! Blessings from us in New Zealand!
Congratulations Ginny. I am so happy for you and your family.
Joan
Congratulations Ginny, that is the best kind of good news! I will be praying for you. I’m glad you are starting to feel better!
I’m so happy for you & your family! I take solace in these wonderful events that the good outweighs the bad. I’m trying to focus on the good.
Congratulations. So happy for you. Loved your beautiful Christmas pictures.
What a wonderful gift! Congratulations, Ginny!
SUCH exciting news!! Congratulations!!
How so very wonderful!! I am so happy for you. God bless you and this little one!!
Michele
How wonderful, congratulations! I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy.
Congratulations!!! So happy, happy for you and your family, truly. I will pray for continued good health for you and the baby.
Congratulations! That is wonderful news and definitely lifted my spirits today so can’t imagine what it is doing to yours and Jonny’s and your children’s! God Bless You, your baby and your family. I will pray for you all.
praise God! you must feel so very blessed. here’s hoping Mabel feels the same 🙂
She’s excited but a little nervous too! She’s not so sure about not being the baby anymore…
What a wonderful Christmas blessing for your family! Congratulations!
Congrats! My last pregnancy was when I was 41. My oldest was 21 at that time.
Sending you prayers for a healthy pregnancy via the intercession of St. Giuseppe Moscati.
God Bless you,
Becky
Congratulations and *sticky* thoughts for this healthy pregnancy! I can’t wait to hear what names you have picked out.
hi ginny…….what news! how wonderful! praying all continues to go well ❤️. i recently started taking topical progesterone myself, but i’m 52 and past menopause, so i don’t think i will have the same results as you – haha! what do the kids think?
Most of the kids are really excited! The oldest three would best be described as “accepting.” 🙂
Oh thank you for sharing good news! Prayers for you and baby.
I am so happy for you all! Congratulations!! And I am saying a prayer right now that you can just let go and be excited! I’ve never lost a baby so I don’t know that awful fear you must live in, but I do know God’s graces so I’ll pray that He graces you with joy instead of fear and excitement instead of trepidation! I think of what you have witnessed to your other children, to still be open to life even when there is fear. Those little lives that wait for you in Heaven have certainly already given graces to your family. Wow. My last two were born when I was 41 and 42. What’s one year older? ha! God bless you all!!
Oh Ginny! What wonderful news! A baby! I am so beyond happy for you! I completely understand what you are feeling. I too lost 3 babies and was feeling the same way about taking on the next phase of life. Long story short: me at 44 welcomed baby boy in September. Our first boy! The kids are 20 years to newborn. It’s a beautiful place to be. I am praying for you and sweet baby.
I am so happy for you! I had both of my children later in life, my son when I was 40 and my daughter when I was 44 1/2 years old. That was over 21 years ago! She and I both came through it fine. I’ve always told her she was a surprise, but by no means a mistake! I actually thought she was menopause until I got the positive pregnancy test. I have jokingly said that I went from nursing to menopause which isn’t entirely true, but not far off! I’m wishing you the best and will pray that everything goes well.
I haven’t commented in FOREVER but I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!! I’m very happy and excited for all of you guys. I’m also 43 and my last pregnancy, six years ago, knocked me on my feet. All day sickness and exhaustion almost the whole pregnancy (before, with my other five children, the sickness let up and the energy came back around 14-15 weeks along). Go easy on yourself and don’t feel bad about relying on your older children to help or not being able to do the things you normally do. This is a wonderful thing that is happening! I also had to have progesterone support through all of my pregnancies due to very low levels. It was a pain, but well worth the discomfort.
Many prayers for a happy and healthy pregnancy!
Oh!!! Such delightful news!! Congratulations!!!❤️. My last baby was when I was 45 (God has a sense of humor!! We named him Isaac because I felt like Sarah!?). He is nine now and such a wonderful blessing to us!! My oldest was 21 at the time! God’s plans are (usually) not our plans, but they are always good!! We will keep all your family tucked in our prayers!
I used to always hear that although we sure don’t like the nausea, it’s often a sign that the pregnancy “took.” Congratulations on your super fantastic news! Wishing you health and utter joy:)
Wow, congrats! So happy for you and your family!
Oh, I cried! Congratulations! So so happy for you!!! ?
Congratulations Ginny! May God abundantly bless your family and this sweet new life.
Hooray for new life, Ginny! Sending love your way!
Congratulations! The most wonderful news.