Today, I really felt, maybe for the first time, all the newness and possibility that a new year can hold. I am full of hope for 2015. I am, I am. I don’t want to forget last year, I just want to stop letting sorrow define me, a trap I have fallen into these past five months.
Last Sunday, the priest began his homily with a sentence or two about the fact that only God gives life and only God allows it to be taken away. The rest of the homily, about the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, seemed unrelated to those words, but maybe I just wasn’t paying close enough attention to make the connections. Strangely, in my opinion, he closed with the famous words from the book of Job, “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
I felt like those words were meant for me. A gentle, “Accept it, Ginny.”
A couple days later, I decided that maybe I ought to put away some of the daily reminders of Sarah, thinking that maybe it would help ease the sadness that still strikes so often. And I swear, within moments of having that thought, I heard Keats downstairs on his violin playing “All Creatures of our God and King” by ear. He never plays that song, never. It was Sarah’s hymn. And those notes rising up the stairs, they were a reminder of all the little miracles that have surrounded all of us who love Sarah in these months since she died. I think we could write a book. I don’t want these little reminders of her to stop coming, not only because I don’t want to forget my friend, but because the nature of them is so intimately tied to the fact that God loves us.
A time will come when Sarah’s memory will make me smile rather than cry. The second I heard Keats playing her hymn that night, I was reminded of that truth, and in that moment, I did smile. I smiled at the miracle of it all, the miracles both big and small that arise from tragedy. Someday those same notes will remind me of my dear friend, and I will think of how blessed I was to have known her while she was here. Gratitude will gradually replace the sorrow. Because that is the only way.
Life is good. It really is.
Happy New Year, friends. Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for being here, thank you for reaching out. Truly, I can’t thank you all enough.
p.s. Pie! You must make that butterscotch pie! (The photo of the recipe is above, in case you missed it. The recipe is from Cooking from Quilt Country
I have been embracing the same feelings as I turned the calendar page. The year past held so much pain for us, so much unexpected loss, that I found myself drowning through Advent. And then, The Lord reached down and offered us the blessed promise of a new little life growing within. Suddenly, I remember all of the good. All of the holy of the small moments. All of the life yet to be lived. Yes, life is still good.
What are you building in the woods? A cabin?
Hi Ginny,
I want you to know how much your blog touches my heart. I love your tender, transparent, heart, the way you parent, the way you live, the way you think, the way you express yourself, the way you love. My heart breaks for your loss and for the family of Sarah. It is so difficult to reconcile the passing of a young, vibrant, wife and mother, daughter, sister, friend and her unborn baby. So many events of earth make no sense. How blessed we are to know the God of infinite grace. He can be trusted with our broken hearts.
May 2015 bring continued healing and sweet things to you and your loved ones.
My heart breaks for you. I too have had several losses of people dear to me in the past year and my heart aches, but I feel the Lord tugging at me to lift my head and open my heart to new things that He is bringing to my life. May your life be filled with blessings, joy, and love.
Happy New Year Ginny.
I always read, rarely comment, and always find something in your words and photos that speaks to me. Thank you for that.
Wishing you all the best in 2015.
Ginny, I hope and pray for the many hearts saddened by Sarah’s loss to feel more comforted and healed in 2015. I know having lost my first husband 10 years ago that the pain lingers acutely for those closest and sometimes only time can bring the greatest comfort. For me it took 3 years to feel semi-normal again and another 2 years to really move on. Talking about your loved one and remembering and crying are so important to feeling less of the ache and more of the gratitude. And we are hearbfor all of the above. Thank you for sharing her with us! Hugs!
God bless you, Ginmy. Thank you for sharing. My family has been so blessed by yours.
Life is good.
I am learning from you and others about the death of a loved one. My children have never had someone close to them die. They have five grandparents and many, many aging aunts and uncles, etc … we have been so blessed with so many good friends and lots of family we are close to. When I let myself look down the road ahead and start to contemplate the losses ahead, I start to get a bit short-of-breath. Then I do remind myself that God’s got this and that only He knows how life will play out. We just have to keep looking for the blessings and being thankful for all of them, with or without the suffering I guess.
God bless!
the best thought I have ever heard on grief and death is as follows…. “grief is your love, turned inside out. that is why it feels so all encompassing.” whenever I think of that, it gives a certain heft to my concept of grief, it’s a real thing, not something that should come and go, but instead a powerful reminder of the scope of our love. I’m so sorry about your dear friend Sarah.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! to you also Ginny; along with Jonny and all of the children. Thank you for being here too and letting us in on your view of our little world. Yes, the Lord doeth work in mysterious ways and I have seen some small miracles appear in my life lately that have relieved some of my sorrow. Not re-employment just yet but, all things in due time. Life IS Good; and we need to remember and believe it all this year and years to come. Otherwise, the alternative is just Hades. May you and yours have a blessed year.
Dear Ginny,
I hope you won’t mind if I use your two paragraphs about missing your friend Sarah to send to my grand daughter. My grand daughter Jenny is in her early twenties and just lost her father (my son) . I lost my husband last year , and another son a few years ago. I am one with grief so I know no matter the words that come your way each person deals with the healing their own way. The old oft used words “Time heals” is not true…God just makes a special place in your heart for you to store your sadness and memories…so you can take them out when you need to. A very young person has trouble accepting that . Your words about the loss of your friend Sarah I know my Jenny will accept ..it has been 4 months and she has her life to live.I am 88 years old and read you each time you write…I knitted Bundles for Britain..(scarfs) during World War 2..you realize scarfs are row after row back and forth….but that’s it. I just enjoy the activities of your family ,seeing all your beautiful knitting. Forget the things out of place. the dust etc. trust me these days are gone in the blink of an eye. Love to you. PS. That is on lucky dog that just found a perfect home
Dear Jere, I’m so sorry for your losses, but truly appreciate your wise words and your understanding beyond my life’s experiences. The loss of a parent is so difficult, I do know that pain. I hope that with time Jenny will learn as you’ve said, to be able to tuck her grief away, and keep moving forward. I’ll pray for you also as you mourn the loss of your sons and husband. I always love to hear from you, and would love it if you commented more often! I think this may be only the second time you’ve commented, but both times your words have meant a lot to me. Love, Ginny
I have a very hard time with all of the sadness in the world. All the losses people suffer. I still think about your friend Sarah also even though I didn’t know her. She was a mom just like me and that is enough to make it as if I did know her. I still cry at night over my mom’s death. I feel as if I can’t get past it and let the sadness go. I am glad that you are having a better outlook than me right now. Your pics are as usual so wonderful and lovely.
Happy New Year to you, too, Ginny! I truly hope your year ahead is wonderful.
When my SIL died from complications with BC almost a decade ago, I never thought I would be able to watch Finding Nemo again without crying, especially during the opening sequence just prior to the credits when the lovely, sad music plays after Nemo’s mother dies & his father is left alone to care for his son…my SIL left behind a young son & a wonderful husband….Finding Nemo was a fairly new film at the time & my young children were obsessed with it…I watched the movie the other day (first time in years) & wept a little, as usual, but I also actually felt myself smile a bit thinking about my dear friend. She was such a beautiful person. I was so lucky to know her. I pray those smiles come to you as well someday when you hear Sarah’s song. xx
PS–Love your photo of the chickadee on the pine cone feeder.
I loved reading this post Ginny and think that you are an amazing woman. When I look back at the post about Sarah through the link you have used a few times, it brings tears to my eyes and I don’t even know her. It is all so fleeting and heartbreaking at times. I send best wishes for the balance of remembering and thinking of Sarah often while moving ahead in your own life. It must be so tricky and grief is a path that we each have to figure out for ourselves. My best to you and yours.
Blessed by reading both the post and all of the comments. What a sweet reminder of the blessings we have lost, the ones we take for granted, and the ones that walk the journey with us. Truly heavenly.
I love “All Creatures of Our God and King” and your story to go with it.
I know grief is hard. It is hard, hard work. I lost my baby son Wendell in October, he was stillborn. It’s hard looking back on 2014 because we lost our baby — but you know, the more time goes on the more I realize how thankful and joyful I feel in the midst of the devastating sadness that my baby isn’t here at home with us now. I feel joy even for the sadness I feel — I know I would not feel this grief had I not loved Wendell so deeply and fully. I feel joy that he existed, that he was a person, that I had the privilege of carrying him in my womb. Those moments to me are precious memories now. I think you are so right, that gratitude replaces the sorrow — or at least comes along with the sorrow.
I’m so sorry for your loss of Sarah and I know with great love comes great sorrow. But there’s another side to the grief, I think. What has helped me is knowing this with all my heart: it was wrong that Wendell died. His place was here with us, his family. It will never be an okay thing that he died and isn’t with us. And I believe my God feels the grief of that separation as heavily as I do and that it’s not a thing I have to reconcile, thinking that Wendell is “in a better place.” The best place for him would have been to be here with us.
It is sad and hard that Sarah is no longer with her family who so loved her and needed her. It is sad and hard that she is gone and you her friend have a void in your life where she used to be. Those are hard, sad things and don’t have to be recovered from quickly.
I don’t know that grief can ever fully go away. In my journey, I’ve talked to women who lost their babies years and years ago but still have tears over the loss. That actually gives me a lot of hope — it is hard, in a way, carrying on with normal life and feeling I’ve forgotten my son. But you can’t forget a love that deep, I think it’s becoming a part of me just as my son was a part of me.
I feel I’ve rambled and maybe not said anything helpful. But what I wanted to say is — you aren’t alone. It is sad and hard work to grieve but you are doing it well, by writing and remembering your dear friend and honoring the legacy of love she left behind. Sending prayers and love your way and also to Sarah’s whole family.
Kirsten, this is so profound. I couldn’t agree with you more; God did not want your son to die, nor did he choose to take Sarah. Life is hard and bad things happen, and our precious Jesus is weeping alongside us, grieving with us every step of the way. Peace and light be with you this year as you continue your journey toward healing.
Dear Kirsten, I am so very sorry for your loss. I had a conversation with a friend recently about her son who passed away two weeks after Sarah, just weeks before his first birthday. She spoke also of the fact that being told that he is in a better place now is no comfort to her. Of course she feels that he belongs here with his family. Because we are all meant to be together. And it’s true, we weren’t created for death, but for life. In God’s original plan for humanity, there was no death. And I think that is a big part of why it is so difficult. It’s also true that grief doesn’t fully go away. I don’t think that is possible. I still mourn the loss of my best friend who died nearly seventeen years ago, and my stepmom who was killed over four years ago. I pray that you find peace in the coming year as you learn to live with your own grief. Love, Ginny
Gosh Kirsten, this is, indeed, profound. I am so sorry for your loss, but you are so right, the reason we grieve so hard is that the ‘right’ place for these souls was with us for however short a time. How amazing to be loved so hard. I hope I am too.
Wishing all of you, with loss or without, a wonderful and new, New Year. Wishing you all peace, healing, joy and exploration.
Dear, dear Kirsten, you have learned so many things so quickly! My 16-month-old son died after a series of hospital mistakes during the initial diagnosis and treatment of diabetes in 1982, and it took me 25 years to come to the place you are now. I’m so glad you are accepting your own grief process, and are nurturing yourself through it. Grief was totally denied way-back-when, and I was told everything from “you didn’t pray hard enough” to “at least you can have another baby”, as if that would replace the loss of my precious Seth. I have found comfort in realizing that God the Father must have grieved terribly watching His precious only begotten Son go through such a horrific death. He shares our sorrow and saves every tear. Indeed, our good and loving God never intended for us to experience the terrible pain and separation of death.
My best friend died in October due to a MRSA infection. I was honored and blessed to be asked to provide his direct care under the guidance of a hospice, so that he could die at home. This time, I am not stopping the tears of love and remembrance as they come. They are healing, and are evidence of my love. The experiences of life do make us who we are, so we need to embrace them, not deny them. We are better people for having known the love of those special ones in our lives.
p.s. I do feel that God used the experience of my first son’s death to open my heart many years later to adopt my youngest son (two birth children and a miscarriage in between) , who is severely physically disabled. My heart is with you.
Tamra, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost a baby in October… and one in June. Both miscarriages. It’s hard not to see 2014 as a “year of miscarriages” (just like 2011 – also had two miscarriages) but there were also many blessings, including the blessings of having carried my babies for the short time I did. I loved them both dearly and always will. I know from the experience of losing two sons in 2011 that the raw grief eases, but the little ache and blank place will be there until we rejoin them in the next life. It gets easier, but you’re never “over it”. Even Jesus wept. One day He will wipe every tear from every face. <3
“Happy” New Year!!!
I just love quietly stopping by this space to see your beautiful photos. Your words often resonate with me as a mom of just 2 boys!
I just want to tell you that your life is beautiful. It resonates in your photography of the mess of life with littles and the cool things your kids do. I just think it is awesome and inspiring, and wanted to wish you a wonderful 2015!!! Lets make it a great one!
It will get better Ginny and yes, one day when you think of Sarah you will smile, I know, I’ve been there.
Happy New Year to you and your beautiful family.
Happy New Year, Ginny and family! Blessings for a wonderful 2015. I really liked Seth’s framed findings – a neat way to display his treasures.
Grief takes time… have you read CS Lewis’ _Grief Observed_? It’s a good read and deals with the reality of loss in a truthful and Christian way… My husband and I have been praying for Sarah’s family as this has been their first Christmas without her being there in person … it’s a year of firsts for you all, as in the first year of all the normal things (birthdays, feasts, holidays) without her. I agree that gratitude will in time replace grief but be gentle with yourself too. And it is clear that God is with you all in this; and that sermon, wow. We still keep you and family in prayer too. May God be merciful and present to you all. (((HUGS)))
Such sweet words, Ginny. Makes me yearn for church, where someone might try to reach out and tell me to just accept it! We are in our own little turmoil these past two months and it is really difficult to see the why of it.
Even if you removed the visual reminders they would still come at random moments. That’s just how it works. It’s part of the process.
Have a lovely, lovely year Ginny & Crew!
I’m glad we can all journey together. The road marked with sorrow is sometimes ours, but owning it is very hard and trying. I know this from our own year of suffering. So glad between face to face friends, and those more on the outskirts–but just as helpful friends–through the blogging and email community, are there to walk alongside and encourage. Isn’t our God great?!
Blessings to you Ginny for this new year. And a belated happy b’day to you as well. Looks like you enjoyed your cafe au lait (“oh-lay, oh-lay”). And a grand YES to this recipe you’ve posted. I’m on it.
Beautiful words Ginny. It seems like such a juxtaposition, that gratitude for knowing someone doesn’t contradict the sorrow of losing a loved one (although not always at the same time).
Love the photos of the tent and house/fort. Something I wish I could do too!
I am really happy to read you’re feeling so hopeful. Here’s to a beautiful 2015 for you and your loved ones :).
I am in the same place. I can feel that this will be a better year. I can feel the happiness and possibility shining through. Last year was really tough. Six months of severe illness and then death for a treasured family member. Why do we grieve so when they get to join God?
You are such a beautiful soul, Ginny. Your words have helped me through many little difficulties and I am truly grateful for your presence in my life. Your gentle honesty have touched so many. May 2015 be a special year for you and your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your sweet family with us all.
Blessings and magic,
Donni
Life IS good and God is so good to us. It’s true. But, sometimes we have to know that but not really feel it, to get back to feeling it. Does that make sense? Almost like like looking at a scene through the fog to truly appreciate the vision when it becomes clear.
And I have a hard time with God giveth and God taketh away in regard to my health. When do I give up and say “oh well, God must want me to be this way”? The mysteries of faith are sometimes overwhelming.
I am so happy for you, though. To feel true joy is a beautiful grace. And if you are seeing little miracles all around, you have joy!
One question, what is the best find your kids have made with their metal detector?
Oh gosh–I don’t really know. I’d have to ask Seth what he considers his best. He’s found lots of Civil War relics, and tons of old coins.
I have to comment on those amazing ‘relics’. My husband got a metal detector for Christmas. Finding anything good is so much harder than we thought! We have a very old house dump in a neighbouring field but everything is frozen now! I guess we’ll have to wait until spring. Anyhow the things that your kids have found are so cool and very inspiring, I hope with more practice we’ll be finding some similar items!
Happy New Year, Ginny! You have been on my mind a lot lately. I continue to keep you in my prayers.
you can sure bring tears to my eyes ms. ginny. happy new year to your lovely family. i’m looking forward to another hourlong trip to fredericksburg next weekend (once upon a child, to pick up things for the little one we are expecting in march). might eat at the place you recently mentioned. be well. xx
Love and peace to you, Ginny. I too, and trying to close the sorrowful chapter of 2014, fill my pockets with hard lessons, and move forward to a beautiful New Year.
happy new year Ginny!!
Thank you Ginny, your posts always resonate. You are brave and kind to share your thoughts with us here, and your beautiful photographs of your beautiful family too,
with love
Lisa
May your 2015 be full of many blessings! xo
I have been moved through this holiday season to pray for Sarah’s family and friends and will continue to as we move into the new year. Happy Birthday and Happy New Year Ginny! Thank you for blessing my life through your writing.
Happy New Year to you all !
May 2015 be filled with peace love and happiness .
Wow! Yesterday morning as I got out of bed – and my brain was still all cob-webby as I automatically made my way to the coffee pot – the word ‘Possibilities’ popped into my head! I am with you Ginny – 2015 is indeed the Year of Possibilities!
There is a Jewish blessing for those who have crossed over –
“May their memory be a blessing!”
Be Blessed my friend!
Happy New Year Ginny!
Happy New Year to you! And yes, life is good. After a difficult two years, I have been feeling a fresh start this new year as well. Here’s hoping 2015 is a year of wonderful blessings!
Happy New Year Ginny, I too am very hopeful for 2015 and wish you a bright and hopeful 2015. Your blog is so lovely and a daily read for me, it’s your realness that I love, and yes all your knitting. You have a beautiful family, so much to be grateful for, heck I am grateful you, your family and blog are all here…thanks!
Thank you for this. I pray your 2015 will be beautiful! (I also have some of those sweet dollies:) )
Blessings!
very beautifully said. Thank-you for sharing.
Such great reminders. 2013 was my year of bad things happening and I spent the entire 2014 crawling out of fear, sadness, regret, and grief. I had a sad feeling today like thought the calendar had changed, nothing else had and I was sad all day. I’m still waiting for that hopeful feeling but your post reminded me that God is still God in the midst of all of it. Happy New Year to you and your family!
This is beautiful. Thank goodness for hope. Happy New Year, Ginny!
Wishing you and yours a Happy New Year. 2014 had it’s share of tragic moments, but really beautiful ones too. Sometimes it seems that all of life goes on like this, and I find it sometimes difficult to sort through it all. Women like you, and Sarah help to remind me to fix my eyes on Jesus, and I often don’t have to look far to be reminded of his goodness. I’m not often without a baby in my arms afterall. I did not know Sarah in person, I just enjoyed her blog and had purchased several of her clay rosaries. I think of her often, and when I do, I say a prayer for her and her beautiful family.
Ginny happy new year! Even though I did not personally know Sarah I have been incredibly touched by her life.. Praying for a wonderful year for you and your family:) I want to try that pie too:)
I hope you have a terrific year, Ginny. I think you’re handling Sarah’s loss with grace and dignity and I admire you for it. I love butterscotch pie, and usually use a recipe from my husband’s grandmother’s cookbook published in 1939. It’s so delicious and deceptively simple and easy.
I am a new reader to your blog and I am so sorry to hear of your sorrow. I do hope that the Lord will uplift your heart and that you can have many blessing for this new year.
I hope this year holds many pleasant surprises and abundant blessings and joy.