Because it does, because it must, even when it hurts.
The day that Sarah was stung, everyone was calling them bees. Over the phone, as friends mobilized forces to start praying, as we tried to figure out exactly what was happening and what to do next, the term “swarm of bees” was used. Bees were the villians, and I felt like I had been sleeping with the enemy. Deep down I knew though, I knew it wasn’t bees. It’s not that bees don’t sting, and it’s not that there aren’t people who have a serious allergy to honeybee venom, it’s just that they don’t behave the way that the insects that attacked Sarah were described as having behaved.
They were yellow jackets. Last week, Jonny and Gabe put on their bee suits, dug up the nest, and destroyed it along with the queen.
But despite the fact that it wasn’t bees, and despite the fact that Sarah has been my raw honey “hook up,” as we’ve waited the past couple years to harvest our own honey, I wasn’t sure that I could face my bees. We neglected to check on them the week before, and of course the week after Sarah died, we did the same. Out of our six hives, only one is strong. Neglecting the hives for those two weeks proved to be disastrous for one of them, our Lark Rise hive. When we finally checked on them, we saw immediately that there was trouble. Thousands of dead bees lay in heaps outside the entrance of Lark Rise. Inside, it was clear that the hive had been robbed and pretty nearly destroyed. I have to confess that I was glad. I can’t explain it, but I was glad. Somehow the queen bee survived the attack, one that most likely came from our other bees in addition to yellow jackets. So now we will try to nurse that colony back so that it will survive the winter.
I’m still a beekeeper.
The morning that Sarah was stung, she was emailing back and forth with a group of us who were planning a nature camp for our homeschooling group. Sarah had grabbed the reins and was coordinating the whole thing. She had a definite vision for camp, and it was beautiful. My last phone call with Sarah, just a couple of hours before she was attacked, we were quickly chatting about felted birds’ nests as I tried to get out the door for Mass. I almost didn’t answer the phone when I saw her number. Not because I didn’t want to talk to her, but because we were running late, and I’d made a promise to myself not to answer the phone when we’re on our way to Mass (this wasn’t the first time). Seeing Sarah’s number on my phone, I knew I could call her when we got home, but I couldn’t resist picking up the phone for no other reason than that I love Sarah. We chatted for a couple minutes, me explaining that I had to run, but that I would call her later that afternoon.
When Sarah died, we thought that nature camp died too. I told a friend that there was no way that we could do it, not without Sarah. But the night that a few of us showed up at Sarah’s house to help plan her funeral last week, her oldest son asked Lori if we were there for nature camp. Lori shared this with Eve and me, tears running down her face, barely able to keep her composure. We looked at each other and realized that somehow in the midst of our grief, nature camp must happen.
Sarah had planned for the children to sing the first verse of “All Creatures of Our God and King” each day at the beginning of nature camp. That hymn became the entrance hymn at her funeral. I think all of us who knew and loved Sarah struggled to sing without sobbing, but we did it. We sang for her.
This week we’ve hosted nature camp, only one week later than we originally planned. The camp has been a beautiful way to honor Sarah and I’m so glad that we did it. And though it’s been difficult, we’ve all sung together, leading the children just as Sarah wanted,
“All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing
Oh, praise Him
Alleluia
Thou burning sun with golden beam
Thou silver moon with softer gleam
Oh, praise Him
Oh, praise Him
Alleluia
Alleluia
Alleluia”
I, too, have been reminded of your sorrow as there is a yellow jacket nest by our door (we think it may be in the rusted out metal door) that we can just not seem to get rid of. Praying for you all and those sweet children. What great love there is in those beautiful voices praising the Lord even in times of great sorrow.
Saw this and thought you might like it:
“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so; one must simply persevere and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is a great comfort, for one remains connected to the other person through the emptiness to the extent it truly remains unfilled. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness; God in no ways fills it but rather keeps it empty and thus helps us preserve–even if in pain–our authentic communion. Further, the more beautiful and full the memories, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
What strength you must all have had to carry on with the nature camp. What a way to honor Sarah. Those felted birds nests are so beautiful and obviously made with such love and care.
What a lovely gift for the children – nature camp infused with praising the Creator.
Holding you in prayer, Ginny.
Tears. What a great way to remember your friend. A wonderful tribute.
So very glad for you that you took the time to answer that phone call and that your memories of her are filled with joy! Will continue to pray for her family and all who were blessed by knowing her.
Ginny, these photos are amazing — the pollen falling from the bees legs, wow! I am amazed at the strength you have had to continue on even in the midst of so much sadness. The nature camp is what Sarah would have wanted and what her children needed. Congratulations. Keep putting one step in front of the other, Ginny. Let your light shine! In solidarity.
Those first two pictures of the bees are astounding. Beautiful shots, yet also kind of scary to see a bee up close like that (at least for me).
Beautiful.
And you write so beautifully, too, Ginny. Keep going. Do the little things. Remember her, but keep going like you’re doing now. Thinking of you still.
Very beautiful- our prayers are with your family and Sarah’s. Your bee pictures at the beginning of this post are amazing too. There is still beauty in the bees.
I’m so glad you were able to go ahead with the Nature Camp. It’s real hard for life to go on, but it has to. When my friend died years ago her children were 3 years and 6 months and we realized that life was going on – and the best thing we could do for them was to help them remember how wonderful their mom was. You are all in my prayers. Hugs to you Ginny.
Ginny,
I found this version of All Creatures this morning in my iTunes library. What a beautiful song. I prayed for you and Sarah and your families last night and will continue to do so. Peace.
I’ve held you and your friend and her family in prayer since the tragedy. life goes on and our memory of what we know is true never dims. Take care of yourself, you were a friend that she treasured.
So beautiful. Some of the hardest things are the most important ones…I have no doubt that Sarah was watching over you all and her children the whole time. You truly did do it for her…and that is what friendship is all about. Sending you lots of hugs! Thinking of you.
Sarah’s family, and yours, continue in our prayers. How gratifying it must have felt to destroy those yellow jackets who had taken someone so dear. The anger, the need to fight something can be strong after a young and seemingly senseless death. I think a loving God understands that part of our nature, and is with us then.
Our prayers continue to be with you. Tears still stain my face every time I think of you and Sarah and her lovely family. I think Nature Camp should now be an annual tradition to honor a life well lived singing with strong uplifted voices to our God and King! Alleluia!!!
Love and Prayers….Diane
Friends are the lifeblood of this outside of the box life we lead. My heart has been aching for you at the loss. Sending my loving thoughts to her, her family and her extended family.
Like everyone has expressed I have been touched by the value of Sarah in my life.
You truly have been blessed to have such a close relationship with her and the love and friendship will be a memory for all your life (as well as the life long memory of relationship with her husband and children)
Thank you for sharing here as well
God Bless
Gae
What wonderful memories of Sarah you have! Memories to cherish. The honeybee rosary is beautiful!
My heart is crying with you, Ginny, although I never knew Sarah. What a beautiful tribute to your friend, to go forward with the nature camp. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Simply beautiful. Thank you, Ginny.
I have been wanting to write something here but have not had the nerve yet, since I don’t know you and your family except what I have read in your blog. I am so very sorry for your great loss. I understand that you did not feel you could go on with the nature camp but it is good that you did anyway. Somehow these are the things that keep the person you lost, still with you. It is hardest at first but with years passing it gets easier and gives you more back. I remember singing the songs my father loved, doing his jobs and telling stories of him after he passed away. At first it was so hard I almost didn’t do it but now, 10 years later it gives me so much to honour his memory in this way. Here in Iceland it is common to write “The memory lives” on tombstones and it is so true, if we just let it, but that one we have to nurture. I like to think of it that it is now our turn to let that memory live and with it the wonderful soul that is still with us, even though we cannot se him/her. Best wishes to you all from a country far north.
Oh Ginny, sending you so much love and light.
One of my favorite hymns. I’m glad it was chosen.
*hugs*
That hymn is one of my favorites.
In recent days, every time I have seen a hornet or one of the small paper nests we have lurking under our eaves that we haven’t dealt with yet, I’ve thought of Sarah and her family. I ache thinking of the children who have lost a mother and the husband who has lost a wife; thank you for sharing the story of your friendship with her. Continuing to hold all of you up in prayer.
The images you shared today are amazing–the bee with the “explosion” of pollen, the little nests, and the ping pong game is super creative!
When my father had the stroke that ended his life, my mother called me from the ambulance as they were heading to the emergency room.
It was dinner time. I was racing to get our meal on the table, and reminding the children that they needed to finish homework and practice their instruments. I saw that it was my mother calling and considered letting it go to voice mail, but something prompted me to answer the phone. I am so glad I did. I am glad you were able to have that conversation with Sarah.
“All creatures of our God and King” has always been one of my favorite hymns. How lovely that you can continue to sing it in Sarah’s memory.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us Ginny. I have loved that hymn since I was a little girl and now when I sing or hear it I will have another memory, another family to add into my prayers. What a wonderful way to honor Sarah, continuing on with the camp for all of the children. I will continue to be in prayer for all of you. May God in his mercy grant you peace.
Blessings,
Betsy
Dear Ginny,
We are sharing your pain and suffering. We have you in our hearts and in our Prayers.
Life does go on, it has to, and you won’t be “OK” for a long time, you’ll always be changed by this.
A dear friend posted yesterday that it has been 12 years since her life changed, her young husband died unexpectedly, and her life went on, it had to.
In two weeks it will be 13 years since my life changed with the death of a child, and my life went on, sometimes unwillingly, but without the sorrow and suffering there is no true balance to life. There will be happiness and joy again for you all (Sarah’s Family and Friends) in God’s time.
I will be praying for you all the hardest words of prayer I have ever encountered “….thy will be done……….”
Much Love from Maine xoxox Michelle
I am still praying for all of you in your loss. May you be blessed by the Wonderful Counsellor, the Prince of Peace. I think it is so lovely that you had nature camp for all of the children. It was very brave and thoughtful of you all to do that. That is definitely one of my favorite hymns as well.
Is that pollen from corn? We have had honeybees ( maybe a neighbor’s?- we live in the city) on our corn lately, and it struck the children and I as funny and amazing that the pollen they collected was so heavy, and even looked a lot like a kernel of corn. We were amazed the bee could even fly with such a massive load.
What a caring way to honor your Sarah’s memory, even through the grief and hurt. It’s a testament to the type of friendship that you had and all you shared together–some people never know such a bond and I am deeply sorry for your loss.Prayers are being said for you and her beautiful family.
Sarah’s family and yours remain in my prayers. Her children will appreciate being able to read your beautiful memories when they are older. May God bless you!
After reading about Sarah, a couple days ago, I was playing hide and seek with my daughter. I hid behind a bush in our yard, looked up, and saw a large nest. We found out it was a wasp nest, just a few feet from our house, hidden in a bush. I saw the nest, got up, ran, and instantly thought of Sarah. A mother and wife. Someone I never met before. My stomach turned as I thought of her and of her family. It could have been me. I prayed, and will continue to pray for you. Later that evening, my husband and our neighbor destroyed the nest. I don’t want to live in fear, but everytime I see a wasp or bee even, I get anxious. I can’t imagine what you are going through. But yeah, you continue on, in little ways.
And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!
And thou most kind and gentle Death,
Waiting to hush our latest breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.
I’m thankful for you and your beautiful life you share. Praying.
As I followed your story and her story and have prayed for her my heart has been seized with both fear and thankfulness. I am a beekeeper and love my bees and know their behavior vs. wasp or hornet behavior. Last spring we were visiting friends in the Adirondacks, off two dirt roads, a mile hike back when two of our daughters stumbled on a ground nest of wasps and were stung. One daughter was fine and the other immediately began having trouble breathing. That hike out, filling her with Benadryl at the van, then drive to the ER was one of the longest evenings of my life. I am so thankful that it was just spring, that the wasps were still sluggish in the cool and that our Ella is still here. I am so so sorry for the loss of your friend and for the loss her family is walking through right now. My prayers are with you all.
This is such a beautiful piece, Ginny. What an incredible way to honor your dear friend and to bless her precious children as well. Continuing to pray for you and the Harkins family.
One of my favorite hymns. Bless your for your love and strength. And for your example. Hugs.
I haven’t read what your written yet. Just had to tell you the pollen drifting down and the crucifix pictures enlarged my heart. Thank you.
How beautiful – I’m thinking how amazingly blessed you were to have her friendship, and now you can pass that blessing to her children through thinks like the nature camp … and other special loving touches from those of you that loved Sarah.
I’m praying for comfort for all who loved her.
This is shallow, in light of everything else, but the second image–the one of the bee with pollen spraying out of the flower–that is a spectacular image. Stunning.
I’m so sorry for your loss, the loss in your community, and for her dear family. ((((((hugs))))))
I’ve yet to comment, here or on Facebook, as my heart has broken for your friend, Sarah, her babies, you and everyone who loved her. I will say, I’ve paused, while dishwashing, while list-making, while watching my own bees, while making my coffee. So many times, through random, seemingly ordinary moments of my life that I still have the pleasure to experience.
Her story, the one you have so beautifully shared with the world here on your blog is so touching. My heart aches for all that she left behind, but I know there must be some beauty to come of this. And this post seems to be a starting point to it all.
Wishing you peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss Ginny. Sending love your way, Sarah xx
What a beautiful post honouring your beautiful friend!
Oh Ginny…it is hard to find the right words and so all I can say is that I send you my love, and Sarah’s little ones and family too. You are so insightful and you can offer so much comfort to those around you, but I am glad you are finding comfort yourself.
Thank you for sharing Ginny. Everything about this post is breathtaking. Prayers for your family and especially Sarah’s, and for Sarah.
I don’t know what to say except this: thank you. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I think that when we share the things that make us human, we come together a little bit, even over the internet.
I’ve been holding back, not wanting to comment because, as an atheist, my ideas about death are probably very different than yours. But then I realized that I was just being silly, because these posts of yours about your friend Sarah have touched my heart. So thank you for reaching out to the internet in your time of trouble, touching my heart, and bringing us all a little bit closer. I wish you peace and comfort and know from experience that while your heart will never be the same, you will emerge stronger than you were before.
I agree with Tracey, Ginny. What a gift your friendship was to Sarah. You are a wonderful friend. And just think, because of what we know to be true, that friendship will span eternity. Sarah is very blessed xxxx
I’m so sorry for your loss, Ginny. May Sarah’s Memory Be Eternal!
oh, that hymn… it’s always brought tears to my eyes… i’m so glad you wrote, ginny… it’s a reminder to me to pray for both your families and those who feel sarah’s loss.
Blessings and prayers Ginny. For Sarah, her family, you and those who loved her most. A beautiful tribute to keep on with the work she began.
I’ve no words to say, only a share in your sorrows. May the God of all comfort be your comfort now and in the days to come <3
Hugs Ginny. I don’t even know what to say, this post made me cry, not so much from sadness, but from the love that it holds. You are an amazing friend.
That’s beautiful! And I’m so glad you did the nature camp in honor of Sarah and to help keep things going for her little ones that you know she would have wanted them to do. Sweetness!!! Those little bird nests are so cute! Thanks for sharing your heart with us Ginny.