The dogwoods will be in full bloom on Good Friday this year. They don’t always line up that way, and I love it when they do. I can hardly believe that we have already nearly made it to Easter Sunday. This Lent didn’t go the way I planned in any way. We had the flu through the first week and that was all it took to seemingly erase all my plans and good intentions. My friend Elizabeth wrote a piece about God planning your Lent, and I really took comfort in her words.
So I thought we’d rally this week, and that somehow I would figure out a way to make it feel holy. It didn’t happen. In fact, this week has been incredibly stressful. Jonny and I are making big life changing decisions. Those that remind us that we’re not kids anymore. And for the past four or five nights, Job has been waking up nearly every hour. I’m exhausted to tears. Earlier this week I called a friend sobbing so hard that all I could manage to spit out were the words, “No one has died” to reassure her that there was no real crisis. I could hardly explain what was wrong. She talked me through it and prayed with me.
I’ve been doing these little nutty tasks that soothe my brain. I went through my Amazon wishlist of books and looked them all up at my local library. Those they had I requested and then deleted from the wishlist. It was really satisfying. I’ve been going through our books, pulling quite a few to donate, selling a few that are worth selling, and reorganizing them all in the process. It makes me feel better. I can’t control my life, but I can control my books.
I can’t make Holy Week feel holy. It just is. Thank goodness I don’t have any control over that.
Dear Ginny,
I follow your blog for a while now and LOVE it….. I know a strangers words are not soothing at all, but hej, remember: NO ONE HAS DIED, really. As being with three little ones and working in a field, where people a re dying FOR REAL, this sometimes is my mantra at home. And suddenly all my feelings of not giving enough, not making things perfect, having a holy week or whatever I wished for – vanish. Because living and being together is so much already, we sometimes forget. Be grateful. Calm down. Everything will turn out great.
Hugs Isa
Beautiful post Ginny. Now your making me cry!
Happy Easterx
This is just beautiful. I’ll be praying that you get some more sleep and that you sense God leading you clearly in the decisions and changes.
I read each one of your posts with great interest and admire you for your honesty but none more so than today’s writing. Seems to me you gave up control for Lent and that is one of the holiest things one could do. Jesus gave up control of his Earthly life so that we would live forever. The least we can do is give ourselves a break from unrealistic expectations during the busiest seasons of our lives. Love your final thought the most and wish you peace at Easter and always. God bless and thank you!
I love your final thought. Lent just is holy. Hope the stress eases for you soon. You do so much by sharing your wisdom with us. Thank you for being so generous with your time and insights. Happy Easter.
~Psalms 23:1-6~
The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Amen.
Reminded that holiness is there because of the events of this weekend so many years ago. I don’t have to make “Holy” happen. So grateful Jesus did the work for me! Much love, many hugs, and wishes for a beautiful and full night’s sleep, Sweet Ginny!
Sending love your way Ginny.
I have a really hard time when I don’t get enough sleep. Wishing you some good sleep. Organizing things always make me feel better when life is rough. I know exactly what you mean about the satisfying feeling when you can organize just a bit of your life. What a blessing to be able to call the people we love to help get us through. I had some calls to my mom this week and just having her there helped me so much.
Love,
Taryn
Ginny, I read your blog occasionally but I’ve never commented until now. I’m sorry the past weeks have been rough for you. You will get through it. Especially with such wonderful friends!
Your honesty is really amazing and beautiful to me, and it’s what makes me keep coming back here. It’s a rare thing.
I wish you and your family a wonderful Easter, and all the best.
I too have lately been reminded that we are “not kids anymore.” It really sneaks up on you and takes you unaware.
Though you’ve had difficulties, it sounds like you have good friends to lean on. Thank goodness for that.
Peace to you this coming week~
God Bless You and your family this Easter…you are held in the palm of His hand always.
Aww Ginny, I’m so sorry! I love that you share when things are going bad. Beautiful pictures as always. The dogwoods are beautiful.
Thank you for the last line in this post. I needed to hear that.
Keeping you in my prayers Ginny. Mike and I have been going through something similar too as far as decision making goes and it has been an incredibly hard stressful process.
Happy Easter though – what a wonderful day!
God knows your intentions. The week is holy whether or not you can make your home celebrations holy. Life happens in its own way. There is little we can control. We just have to live it. You will always come out on the other side of life’s difficulties and then you have to truly rejoice in the good parts and thank God for them.
Holy Week is holy whether we make it so or not. So true.
This sounds like my lent. And now I am going to be crazy and pretend I can plan ahead for next year
I hope to make up some things and pack them away for next year
I do have an Advent box with the wreath, candles, figurines and bible passages
So this time I could pack away a grapevine with tooth picks and flowers and laminated stations of the cross with prayers on the back or just a prayer book. Maybe some candles too. I hope your Easter day is peaceful and full of joy!
I loved this. Thank you so much for sharing. I feel exactly the same and I took such comfort in your words. We can’t make this week holy. It just is. Thank you, Ginny.
Praying for you! Hopefully Job is just hitting his 6 month growth spurt a couple of weeks early and you’ll be able to get more sleep soon. More sleep doesn’t solve problems, but it sure makes them easier to endure.
I wish you a wonderful, happy weekend this blessed holiday, with happy hearts and sweet sleep and strength to enjoy and live in the lovely moments which are so fleeting.
And big comfy Grandma hugs from far away.
rachel
I often feel that the weaker I am, the more God can pour his grace into my heart on His terms. The graces of Holy Week are unfathomable, so I suspect we can conclude that: the greater the weakness, the greater the grace. 🙂
((hug)) sounds like a crazy tough week. i find that even the littlest thing that feels like i have control over makes me feel so much better, which is crazy. but i could totally get into book organizing. it is the little things sometimes. other wise i am a blubbering mess. sometimes we can’t make things holy, they just end up that way… the way god intended. ((hugs))
“those that remind us we’re not kids anymore”
Those words are wonderful Ginny, because they get to the heart of the matter, and that sometimes being the grown-up is so very, very hard.
And you are right, this week is Holy not because of what we do to make it so, but because it simply is. As is God’s grace for us.
Praying to Mother Mary for you and your family.
Hugs,
Claudine
I send you hugs and if ever you need to talk I’m here.
Thanks for your post. Oh those sleepless nights made worse by the decisions to be made by day. What seems exhausting during the day becomes, one tremendous heartache by night. I had such a night this last week, I mulled the problem for hours before I just gave it up to God. I didn’t know where to start, so I started with The Lord’s Prayer. I was amazed at the peace He gave. Keep at it you good mama.
I can only send love and sympathetic thoughts. May you have a blessed Easter and find comfort in the fact that on Sunday we can shout to the earth, Christ is risen!
Grace and peace dear woman.
Amen, amen, amen, dear one. Blessings.
I love that you have someone you can ring and sob hard. And that you can do it. I know I have people I can ring and sob hard on too but I don’t think I could bring myself to do it, I would worry then that they would worry about me. Good on you 🙂
Seems to me that you gave up expectations for Lent. Sometimes God has a way of helping us give things up we never expected. My prayer is that you will have a satisfying sleep, that Job will sleep and that major decisions will not seem as major once the sleep has happened. You are not alone.
Oh my dear Ginny, it takes us a long time to realize that Lent is just not to be planned! God works through each of us in the way He wants it to be experienced. Rarely is it what we want. :)). It has been trying here as well with all this back pain.
You have my number. Call anytime . We will walk together dear one!
some weeks are like that…….
sending you some love <3
xo~
It seems to me that your Lent had plenty of sacrifice and suffering and your Holy Week is filled with the agony of preparing for Good Friday. Its funny how when these things happen without us trying they dont seem to count. But Im quite sure they count all the more. I hope your Easter Sunday becomes naturally joyful and freeing and your troubles are raised with Christ. A blessed Good Friday and Easter to you and your beautiful family!
I know how you feel. There is such a pressure to make lent and Holy Week holy, that it ends up having the opposite effect and stresses me out. And there is always a million reasons why I can’t do all the special Lenten activities with the kids. I have so many plans and in the end, I feel like a failure. To top off my feelings of overload and guilt, I have Fr so and so saying lent is about getting out of your comfort zone and doing extra things for other people. Well, I can’t even!
PS your Dogwoods are stunning! I hope your readers know the legend.
It stinks to be grown up doesn’t it? One of my college kids just called on his walk to work and after the third yawn, I asked why he was so tired. He said he couldn’t sleep, too much stress. (Of course he is scheduled to graduate this spring and is worried about making it after SIX years.) I laughed and then I reminded him that some day he’ll have real grown-up stress.
Lent never turns out the way I plan, at least it hasn’t since I wanted it to, if you know what I mean, I take that as a sign that I’m doing something right. God always sends us down the path to him, and ol’ hairy legs always tries to distract us, and that must mean we’re doing something right. Right? I hope so.
God bless you and your family, Ginny. Please remember me — I am sponsoring my future daughter-in-law as she comes into the Church tomorrow night.
I felt the same way this week, Ginny! I am 8 months pregnant, my husband and I are moving into our first home, we are both working long hours, and we have a mouse problem in our apartment. I had plans for a wonderfully prayerful Lent and Holy Week, but I just didn’t happen. Strangely though, I have felt very close to God this entire Lent.
This is a quote that I found myself reading multiple times throughout Lent. Another one from Elizabeth Foss!
http://www.elizabethfoss.com/.a/6a00d8341c543553ef01a51193f6dc970c-pi
I am so right there with you on this, Ginny. Right down to the organizing books in an effort to calm my mind. The only exception being I have no friend I could call and cry to. Sad, but true. That is a gift of a friend you have there.
And then I think- how silly to be so stressed over such little things when these very days Jesus was stressing over the fact that He had to die. If only the cup could pass from Him. But it didn’t and He didn’t allow it to. He just prayed and prayed and set his face like flint. And so, I am trying to set my face like flint too. To get through another day- to let it come. And to pray, without ceasing, like Jesus did in the garden.
Praying the Lord give you (and I!) peace.
Happy Easter! He is RISEN, indeed!
It feels good to organize things. For me it helps to clear my mind and decreases anxiety. After reading your story about the lost purple shoe, I thought, “I am such a stickler about shoes, I make everyone take their shoes off at the door”. It keeps shoes from getting lost AND it keeps kids with chicken poop on their shoes from tracking it in the house. It is hard to manage 6 kids, (4 of them teenagers) and all their sports and activities but I find having a specific place for everything makes it so the kid can be responsible for their own equipment and such, even little kids. Getting rid of unnecessary “things” also adds to peace of mind.
My anxiety level is up…my husband is putting together bee frames in my living room at the moment and there are pieces of wood, wire and tools taking up lots of space. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, he will be finishing this project today, we have six packages of bees coming tomorrow!
Yes, thank God that the reality of things aren’t dependent on our feelings. I knew I would have a pretty shoddy Lent as well, what with a big move overseas, the challenge of getting used to living as a family again, and possible culture shock. That’s why my big Lenten focus has been peace. It sounds like a cop-out, but it’s something that’s really difficult for me.
Prayers for you this Easter Triduum.
Maybe you just need to accept that it doesn’t need to be full of anything to be special. It is, as you say, Holy Week, whether you do anything or not. you will be mindful tomorrow and Sunday and that is enough. If you can take a day break from all those big decisions, you’ll probably wind down a little. I’m sure Job is picking up on your tension (and maybe teething or fighting your sickness too) – I’m shocked by how Iain can pick up on it… maybe because without words, they have to depend on feelings, I don’t know… – but anyway, give yourself a break from things for a bit so you can catch your breath. No good decisions are made when you’re tense. sending calming and loving thoughts your way!
Wishing you all well. Easter aside- thanks for keeping your blog honest. Photos are always lovely and is so good to hear that other families go through ups and downs also.
We all have these weeks, and it’s nice to know we’re not alone. Sleep deprivation makes EVERYTHING harder. Love and prayers for you all.
Praying for you Ginny! I know that feeling all too well. I don’t think anything I planned to do this week regarding Holy Week has happened. Interestingly enough, despite my seeming inability to make stuff happen, the kids have been thinking about Jesus’ sacrifice for us and have been asking all sorts of questions. Questions that the answers must seem wondrous and a bit scary for the minds of children really taking in this redemption story for the first time. It’s causing me to see the events of this weekend through fresh eyes. I thought I needed to do more so that the kids would take more interest. No, God has shown me that He is stirring their hearts with or without my “more” and I am finding that tremendously comforting.
I just came home from a Tenenbrae service that I had no previous intention of attending and I can’t even begin to tell you how it felt to just be there with God tonight
Sometimes Lent just isn’t what we expect it to be, but why is it we feel we have failed, we are in God’s hands after all.
My Lent has been full of trials and traumas and funerals this year, I have been reluctant to carry my crosses lately.
Maybe you are meant to have a fulfilling Easter season this year instead of a fulfilling Lent……….
Wishing you all a Joyous Easter xoxox
You are loved. You are covered in prayer…. Phil 4:13.
Thank you so much for this Ginny. I really needed to hear it today.
Don’t forget that Jesus was a man of the people, like all of us, with all our trials and tribulations and joyous times. Holy doesn’t mean normal stops, it means that we are that much more thankful for what we have and what we have been given.
Praying for you and your family Ginny. God is with you all. No matter what the week brings the end is the same. Our Savior is Risen!!
Blessings to you all.
I have seen for a few years now that often week 1 of Lent, week 5 and Holy Week are full of trials/temptations. I’ve felt it too. it makes me understand why so many priests I know say that we need God to carry us to Easter. God keep you. Will pray for you, Johnny and kids tonight.
You have no idea how much your words mean to me. We too have had some major family
Stressors and illness and I feel like a failure at Lent and Holy Week. I was sitting
Here thinking if I had the energy to go to Good Friday service with my children tomorrow…
Thank you for reminding me I am not the only one. Peace to you on this most blessed week.